You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
