Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
