i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
