So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
