If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
We have started to decorate penises.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
