did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
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I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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