i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
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