its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
