He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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