soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Randomize
