whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
