as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
