So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
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In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
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You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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