Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
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