I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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