Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
