A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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