i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
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