I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
