today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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