We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Randomize