but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
soo... how was my night?
Randomize
