Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
This baby is an asshole
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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