Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I think I have vodka in my lungs
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Randomize
