allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
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i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
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He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
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