Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
