dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
