I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
