my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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