I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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