I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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