Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Blood and glitter go together right?
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
