The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
