Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
