the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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