is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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