hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
