Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
