double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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