i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize
