i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
