You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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