I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
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He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
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We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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