Your face is a jimmy john
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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