I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Randomize
