I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
