God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
After tacos, we're chasing women.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
