Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
