I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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