I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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