Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Randomize
