Someone shit on the floor
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
birth control should be required to get into college
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
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