i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
