So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
