My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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