i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
