Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
