um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
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Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
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So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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