no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Randomize
