bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
