Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
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Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
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She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
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