Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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