We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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