Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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