i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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