Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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