Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Randomize
