watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
