How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
