I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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