I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
