there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
