Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
vagina is talking i cant
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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