We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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