I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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