wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Randomize
