You can't motorboat a personality
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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