she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
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