12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
