Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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