I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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