He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
