She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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