# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
