were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
he told me I talked like a deaf person
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
