OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Randomize
