k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize
