Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
