he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
