I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
