I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
